


Never Letting Go

by xx_dreamer_xx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:25:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xx_dreamer_xx/pseuds/xx_dreamer_xx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is a student at University madly in love with boy two years younger then him.</p><p>Harry is just a student at school who is madly in love with a boy two years older then him. But he is also bullied.</p><p>Louis wants to beat up those bullies but Harry won't let him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is sad, but I really hope you like it!

 

Louis walks along the sidewalk checking his cell phone for a minuet to see if he's texted him. And he has. Louis unlocks his phone to a picture of him and his love, his arms are wrapped around Harry's neck, and he's kissing Harry's cheek while Harry looks at Louis with those gorgeous damn green orbs that are his eyes. His mob of curls sit atop his head, swept to the side. Louis' hair is styled in a quiff, a quiff he was not sporting on that Autumn afternoon. Louis smiles at the picture and then checks the message Harry has sent him.

 

_Hazza: Laying in the grass, alone. Sigh._

 

Louis shakes his head, smartass. Louis smirks and decides to keep Harry guessing and not respond to his text. Louis continues to walk, as he enters the community park, the buildings have gone being replaced by trees decorated with orange, yellow, and red leaves. Not only have those leaves decorated the trees, but also the ground. This is why Louis loves Autumn. It's so colorful, so festive. Louis walks through what he likes to call, "The Autumn Wonderland". He hears the leaves the leaves crunching below his feet as he walks along the sidewalk.

 

As walks farther into the park, the amount of people seemed to fade. They dwindled down in the numbers. Louis observed them though, he saw an older couple sitting on a bench just sitting, no words being spoken but they looked content while their fingers intertwined with one another. Louis also observed a little girl and her mother playing with a rather large dog, with golden fur. Louis couldn't remember the name of the dog. _Golden Retriever_ he recalls to himself. _How could he forget that_? Louis mentally scolds himself as he continues his walk.

 

Finally Louis sees his love from ten feet away. He just lay there, moving his arms and legs up and down in robatic movements. This fucking idiot is making ~~snow~~ leaf angels in the dry, dead leaves that have decorated the ground. Louis keeps himself quiet as he smiles at how damn adorable and innocent Harry looks. But his present is sensed because Harry turns his head and sees Louis walking towards him. He shoots off the ground with speed and elegance. His tall frame is running towards Louis. Leaves caught in his curls, most people might think Harry looks like a lunatic. But Louis thinks it's the most adorable thing his eyes have ever seen. That includes Louis' twin sisters, and they're hard to beat.

 

"Louiiiiiiisssss!" Harry shouts dragging the last two letters out. Harry jumps towards Louis wrapping his arms around him. Once Louis is in his grip Harry pulls his close and hugs him tightly. Louis hugs back even though he wants to snog Harry. Because even though he saw him this morning for coffee, it feels like it's been a decade. Louis settles for a hug because Harry is just so damn pure and innocent. Harry pulls back and grabs Louis' wrist and drags him towards the spot where he'd been laying. "Wanna make leaf angels, Lou?" Harry asks excitedly. Louis smiles at him and nods as the two lay down in the leaves.

 

"You know Styles, most people build piles with leaves and then jump in them. Or they rake them. But na, not you." Louis shakes his head. Harry looks over at Louis his green eyes popping in excitement.

 

"We could do that too!" Harry exclaims. He then receives a confused look from Louis. Harry blushes and corrects himself. He blushes because Louis' blue eyes always make him blush. "I mean we could make a pile of leaves and then jump in them!" Louis nods.

  
"Or I could throw leaves at you!" Louis yells before picking up a heap of leaves and throwing them at Harry. Harry releases a squeal as he waves his arms around like he's gone mad.

 

"Now you've ruined my leaf angel!" Harry whines, allowing his full, pink lips to form a pout. Then he gathers his own heap of leaves and tosses them towards Louis. Louis then falls backwards onto the ground and starts rolling around grabbing his side.

 

"Oh, I'm hit!" Louis groans in his best agonizing tone. "The only thing that will save me is kiss from my true love!" Louis cries out. Harry smirks and crawls through the leaves towards Louis. He lands beside Louis and examines him. Louis' blue eyes are fluttering shut as he lets out a small gasp as if he's struggling to breath. Harry leans down and kisses Louis' thin but very soft lips. Louis' eyes flutter back open slowly and he looks at Harry with admiration. "My prince Charming." Louis speaks lightly and kisses Harry again. Harry smiles which in turn causes Louis to smile.

 

"You know that was cliche as hell, right?" Harry remarks before flopping down beside Louis. Louis just chuckles lightly and wraps an arm around Harry pulling him closer. Turning to face Harry's flawless face.

 

"Cliche," Louis pauses for effect. "Or kinky?" he flashes a devilish grin and Harry gasps.

 

"Why, Mr. Tomlinson!" Harry looks at Louis in shock.

 

"You know how much kinky stuff we could do right now?"  Louis arches an eyebrow mischievously. "None of which would be legal to do in the middle of the park." Louis admits. Now Harry is the one with the mischievous look in his green eyes.

 

"Who says people have to know?" Harry whispers. His deep voice is like heaven, and it's making Louis go fucking insane. Louis bites his lip to keep from attacking Harry. But then Harry bursts into a fit of giggles and Louis just shakes his head.

 

"Harry Styles," he begins. But he can't think of what to say after that. So he just sighs and rests his head Harry's shoulder looking up at him. "Harry Styles." Louis states.

 

~

 

Louis is stuck at work, a job at a frozen yogurt shop to be precise. It's his part time job when he's not in classes at University. And as he hands yet another person a cup of the frozen treat, he thinks he might puke if he has to smell frozen yogurt, or see frozen yogurt after his shift he will surely bang his head against the wall. Louis sees the shop is empty and takes this opportune moment to lean against the wall and let out a long sigh. But he only has a few seconds before Liam pokes his head around the corner and spots Louis. Louis straightens up and tries to look occupied at the register. He doesn't do this because Liam in a prick who will yell at Louis. No, Louis does this because Liam talked his boss into hiring Louis. This was after Louis had been fired from the furniture store because he fell asleep on one of the beds made for display. It was a long story of how that happened. A mixture of trying to cram for exams and alcohol. Not to mention the result of the alcohol which was a hangover.

 

"Louis," Liam begins raising an eyebrow at Louis. Louis flashes a smile. "just don't fall asleep on the job." Liam vanishes into the back from which he came and Louis just nods his head.

 

"Of course not, Li!" Louis calls. He takes a deep breath and then pulls out his phone. Perhaps he should play Candy Crush. But what if he got pissed and threw his phone? It was't a rare occurrence. But Louis played it anyway. He was starting to get really into the game when he heard the bell ring, meaning a new customer had entered the shop. Louis groaned as he pressed the pause button. He really didn't give two shits if the person didn't like his obvious resentment to their entrance of the store.

 

"I'm hurt Lou." a familiar deep voice comments. Louis looks up from his phone and sees Harry. Louis beams. But then he sees dried blood coming down from Harry's nose. Louis furrows his eyebrows in concern. What concerned him even more was that Harry was smiling this big, flashy grin. Harry was just grinning as if he hadn't been bleeding from his nose at one point.

 

"Harry, what happened?" Louis cries not able to keep his voice down. He takes a step forward and then he sees the black eye. Harry has a black eye. Louis feels angered. Who the fuck punched Harry? Harry's grin fades and his big green eyes fall to the floor. Liam enters the scene and gives Louis a 'What the hell?' look. Probably because Louis had been rather loud.

 

"Louis," Liam begins to speak but he stops. Louis looks over at him and sees that he's stopped talking because he sees Harry. He sees Harry standing there with dried blood coming from his nose, and a black eye. "Oh, Harry..." Liam's voice trails off. Harry focuses on the tiled floor now. Liam nods at Louis. Louis assumes its an OK to go talk to Harry. Louis walks out from behind the counter and grabs Harry's hand taking him to sit down. Harry follows slowly, dragging his feet like they weigh two tons. They sit on opposite sides and Louis tries to think of what to say.

 

"Harry, what happened?" Louis asks of Harry. He thinks he knows, but he doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Harry merely shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

 

"Nothing." Harry replies his deep voice is so casual. Louis locks his blue eyes on Harry. They stay there until Harry looks up and Louis' eyes lock on Harry's green eyes. Harry just stares at Louis until he breaks. It happens slowly, Harry's eyebrows scrunch together, then his full lips go into a pout, and his bottom lip trembles for a minuet or so. Then he allows a small sob to escape before the tears cascade down his cheeks. Louis quickly goes over and sits beside him holding Harry and rocking him back and forth, not wanting to let him go. Louis pets Harry's hair, then he kisses his forehead, keeping his fingers intwine with Harry's curls. Harry cries into Louis' shoulder for a few moments before he attempts to speak. "I'm sorry Louis, I just wanted to see you." he tries to speak through his sobs, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.

 

"Sh, Harry." Louis sooths. "It's okay. It's okay." Louis repeats this because he hopes Harry will understand that it is okay. Harry just takes a deep breath and sits up facing Louis, blinking his innocent green eyes that are now red and puffy.

 

"I just went to the bathroom and they were in there." Harry whispers in a weak voice. Louis almost breaks down when Harry's voice cracks. "T-They called me a faggot, but I just ignored it, ya know? It isn't the first time I've been called that. So I just ignored them but then they pushed me against the wall and they," Harry pauses as another small sob escapes his lips. "And they," he attempts to speak again but the sobs take over and he's crying into Louis shirt. Louis feels a mixture of anger, and sadness. Watching Harry cry is like watching someone kick a puppy. It's so sad, and painful to watch. Louis wants to find these pricks and teach them a few things.

 

"Harry, just don't listen to them. They're just judgemental pricks, and douche bags." Louis wraps his arms around Harry, and Harry does the same. Louis inhales all of Harry, his scent, his grip, his breathing which is a bit shaky since he's trying to breath between sobs.

 

~~~

 

Louis is lounging around his flat while Niall smokes a joint, puffing smoke into the air. Louis wonders if he should join in like Niall's asking, but he can't stop thinking about Harry. He's been acting different lately. More quiet, and reserved. Louis knows the bullying is getting worse for Harry and Louis wishes he was there everyday to defend him from those fucking twats who give him a hard time. Louis had offered to go have a little talk with those boys but Harry had insisted not to. He said he could handle it himself. But Louis couldn't focus on anything knowing that Harry was at school with those people.

 

"Lou, come on." Niall insists. "It'll take the edge off!" Louis nods and takes the joint from Niall taking a puff before slowly exhaling the smoke into the air. Niall nods his head then frowns. "Okay, I need food!" Louis shakes his head.

 

"I wonder why." Louis chuckles shaking his head. Louis was ready to take another hit, when his cell phone ring. He saw it was Anne, Harry's mum. "Hullo?" Louis answers.

 

"Hi, Louis." Anne says in her usual sweet tone. "Have you heard from Harry?" she asks. Louis' heart begins thudding against his chest.

 

"Um, no. Not since last night." Louis replies. There is silence which is making Louis panic.

 

"Oh," Anne mutters.

 

"Is something wrong?" Louis asks without hesitation.

 

"Well, the school called and said Harry didn't go to school today. And I'm at work so," her voice drifts off. Louis doesn't hesitate with his offer.

 

"I could go to your house and check on him." Louis says standing up from the couch. Niall looks up from the bag of chips he's begun to devour.

 

"Thank you love." Louis can hear the smile and appretiation in Anne's voice. Louis hangs up and goes throws a jumper on. Niall gives him a confused look. "Gonna go check on Harry." Louis informs Niall before leaving the flat.

 

~~

 

Louis parks his old, what he liked to call "vintage" car outside of Harry's house. Louis gets out and hurries towards the door. He knocks on the door and waits. No response. He rings the door trying to be polite but then he remembers this is Harry's house not his neighbors. Louis reaches for the door handle, he twists it and finds it unlocked. Louis walks into the house and finds it quite. It's eerie how silent the house is. Louis closes the door and steps through the entry way and finds the den empty, along with the kitchen and dining room.

 

"Harry," Louis calls up the stairs. "Hazza," Louis only recieves silence as a reply. Louis begins to get nervous and races up the stair case, calling Harry's name. "Harry, this isn't funny." Louis scolds begining to worry as he reaches the top of the stair case and still hears no sound. Louis turns towards Harry's room. The door is cracked, Louis walks towards it pushing it open. "Harry," Louis squeaks nervously. His nerves cease when he sees Harry sprawled across his bed. Louis let out a breath he'd been holding in for quite sometime. "Harry, you're a twat. You scared the shit out of me." Louis chuckles lightly walking over to Harry on his bed. But Harry hasn't moved.

 

Now that Louis really looks at him closely he notices that Harry doesn't seem to be breathing. Then all the panic Louis had released is back. He falls to his knees and shakes Harry frantically. "Come on Harry, this isn't funny! Stop holding your breath!" Louis is convinced that Harry is joking with him. But then he notices the empty pill bottle on the floor by his knees. Louis' heart drops. It's completley empty, not one pill left. _No, no, no. This couldn't be real. No_. "Come on Harry! Wake up!" Louis begins shaking Harry again. He rolls Harry over and sees Harry with his eyes closed, he looks like he's sleeping. He looks like he's just resting. He has to be.

 

"COME ON HARRY!" Louis checks Harry's pulse, there's nothing. Louis' eyes are burning with tears. He checks Harry's heartbeat. And there's silence. No familiar sound of his heart, his huge heart that's so big and so amazing. It's not beating. Louis' crying now as he gives Harry another shake. "HARRY DAMMIT!" Louis can't breath or see through his tears he doesn't know what to do. _This can't be real_. Louis thinks. He pinches himself seeing if he'll wake up from this nightmare but nothing. He's still in Harry's bedroom with all of Harry's posters, his Eagles posters. The rest of the bands Louis has never heard. Damn Harry's hipster bands. Harry lay on his bed like he's sleeping. Louis just sobs and climbs into Harry's bed, wrapping his arms around Harry.

 

"It's okay Harry." Louis whispers petting Harry's curls. "It's okay. It's okay." And Louis whispers this through the sobs as he lay with Harry. "I won't ever let you go."

 

~~~~

 

"Lou," Zayn pokes his head in through the door of Louis' bedroom. "Today's the day." Louis just stares at the wall beside his bed. Zayn's words registering in his head. Today was the day, Harry was going to be gone forever. Louis rolls over slowly to face Zayn, he does this like it requires all the energy in the world. And Zayn gives Louis a sympethetic look. Louis had seen a lot of those lately. "Come on, you can do this." Zayn walks farther in and gets on his knees to face Louis. He looks into Louis' blue eyes and smiles faintly. "Come on Lou." Louis slowly sits up and drags himself out of bed with Zayn coaxing him.

 

Louis is dressed in black attire with Zayn's help and the two leave Louis' bedroom. Niall and Liam stand in the living room along with Perrie and Eleanor. Louis watches as Zayn walks towards Perrie. Louis just stares off into space. They leave the flat, Louis just trailing behind. They get into the car and attempt to make small talk on the way but Louis just nods and responds with a series of sounds. Soon he's looking out of the car window, the leaves have fallen off the trees now because it's Winter. Louis has decided he hates Winter. Even if Louis was born in winter, he doesn't care.

 

They get to the funeral and Louis' eyes travel to Anne, and Gemma. They have tears in their eyes, their looking up at the casket and Louis does the same. _Harry's in there. He's laying in there, his curly hair all fixed up nicely, probably in a nice suit too_ , Louis wants to run up to the casket and open it up and get inside and lay with Harry. Because Harry is Louis' prince charming, and he promised Harry that he'd never let him go. And now Harry was in a damn casket.

 

Louis shed tears as the preacher talked and talked. But Louis wasn't listeneing to that. He just stared at the casket. He remembered one day when Harry had told him, "If I die before I'm thirty, I want someone to sing 'If I Die Young' by The Band Perry." after that Harry had chuckled. It wasn't clear to Louis weather or not he was joking, but Louis thought someone should honor that. So after the preacher finished speaking, Louis began singing. His voice was shakey and weak but he sang. The whole church got quite and everyone looked at Louis' some in shock, some in confussion, some just stared.

 

"Louis," Niall mutters quietly under his breath. "Louis," he tries again. But Louis continues singing. He's almost reached the end of the song when he sees men coming in to take the casket. Louis began crying and then he felt a lump form in his throat. He couldn't sing anymore. So he just sobbed.

 

"HARRY!" Louis cries out. "SOMEONE STOP THEM! THEY'RE TAKING HIM AWAY!" Louis was ready to run after the casket but Niall held him back. Louis let out a series of loud sobs. "LET ME GO!" he sobbed out. The words were barely audible but Louis wanted the boys to let him go. Liam, Niall, and Zayn were all holding him back now. "HARRY, I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO!" Louis cries after the casket.

 

~~~~

 

Louis woke up one morning and walked into the living room, Niall sitting on the couch flipping through the channels. He looked up and saw a chipper Louis. This confused Niall since Louis had hardly left his room in the past two weeks.

 

"Mornin Niall." Louis chirps as he walks into the kitchen.

 

"Morning..." Niall replies giving Louis an odd look. Well, Louis was acting odd.

 

"Want some tea mate?" Louis asks as he sets he kettle on the stove. Niall gets up and walks into the kitchen.

 

"Louis, are you okay?" Niall asks. Louis nods.

 

"Fine." Louis responds shrugging. Niall gives Louis another odd look. "So I'm going to the park with Harry this afternoon. I thought he could come over for dinner." Louis rambles. Niall nearly chokes on air when he hears Louis talking about Harry in that tense. The tense that Harry was still alive.

 

"Louis," Niall begins. "What are you talking about?" 

 

"Niall, you know Harry. Why are you acting so weird this morning?" Louis asks raising an eyebrow. Niall doesn't know what to say to Louis. Should he put the truth bluntly? But he doesn't even know what's wrong with Louis.

 

"Louis," Niall begins. He takes a deep breath before continuing. "Harry's dead." he says this slowly, and Niall has never felt so guilty when he sees Louis face. Louis pouts and shakes his head, furrowing his eyebrows.

 

"N-No he's not. I saw him yesterday." Louis nods his head. "I went over to his house, and I helped him with homework." Louis continues. Niall shakes his head.

 

"No Lou, you didn't." Niall tries to talk in a calming tone because he doesn't want to upset Louis. "Harry's dead." Niall repeats. Louis shakes his head and his waterline fluds over with tears.

 

"NO!" Louis yells. "NO, HARRY ISN'T DEAD! HE'S ALIVE! HE'S AT SCHOOL! HE'S OKAY!" Louis cries chocking as he sobs.

 

"No, Lou. Harry's gone. He died." Niall is still talking in a calming voice even though Louis is scaring him.

 

"NO! NO! HE CAN'T BE DEAD! NO NIALL!" Louis shouts falling onto the ground. "HARRY'S OKAY! HARRY'S ALIVE!" Niall opens his mouth to protest and Louis sobs. "NO! NO! HE'S ALIVE NIALL!"

 

"Louis, no." Niall shakes his head. "He's not alive." Louis just keeps sobbing. Niall called Zayn, who came over along with Liam. But no matter what anyone said, Louis just kept crying.

 

~~~~~  
  


It was Harry's birthday, Louis sat in the room with beige walls. He slowly sat up tears burning in his eyes. "Happy eighteenth birthday, Harry." he mutters. Louis lay with his feet pulled up to his chest now, he let out a small sob into his arms. Just as he was ready to let the sighs engulf him, the door of his room opened and in walked a nurse.

 

"Louis, you have visitors." the nurse smiles. Louis looks up and sees his three best mates, Liam, Niall, and Zayn. Louis allows a small smile to cross his lips because he hadn't really talked to anyone in a while. The nurse left and the three boys smiled back at Louis.

 

"So how are you Lou?" Liam asks pulling up a chair. Louis shrugs.

 

"It's Harry's birthday today." Louis recalls smiling. The boys all exchange a look between one another.

 

"Yeah, it is." Niall chirps. Louis' blue eyes tear up but then suddenly, something changes. Louis looks up at the boys, he seems to be counting them.

 

"Hey, where's Harry?" Louis implores. "I haven't seen him in ages." Liam's eyes water a bit, Niall just stares at the ground, while Zayn shifts his weight. The doctors told him to just go along with it. Zayn spoke first.

 

"He um, couldn't make it." Zayn mutters. Louis pouts.

 

"Why?" Louis asks confused. Then Niall snapped. He wanted to old Louis back.

 

"BECAUSE HE'S DEAD HARRY! HE'S BEEN DEAD FOR NEARLY THREE MONTHS!" Niall shouts. Liam and Zayn look at Niall with wide eyes. Louis shakes his head.

 

"No he's not." Louis convinces himself. "And Niall, that's not a very funny joke." Louis scolds. Niall runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

 

"LOUIS, HARRY IS DEAD! HE'S NOT COMING BACK!" Niall yells. He couldn't just go along with all this bullshit for another minuet.

 

"You're wrong!" Louis cries. "Harry isn't dead!"

 

"YES HE IS!" Niall fires back. Louis lost it, he jumped off his bed in anger, his face turning red.

 

"NO HE'S NOT!" Louis yells.

 

"Yes, Louis, he is." Zayn adds in.

 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Louis shouts. "HARRY'S NOT DEAD!"

 

"Their right Harry, and you know it." Liam says standing up. Louis bursts into tears and shakes his head as he falls to his knees.

 

"No! No!" Louis cries. "Is it my fault? It's my fault!" Louis answers his own question. The nurse scurries in and ushers the boys out of the room. Louis' sobbing is the last sound they hear before the door shut.

 

~~~~

 

According to the doctors, Louis had a form of depression that caused him to have delusions. In this case, he would have moments, days, or even weeks where he'd think Harry was still alive. It was discovered when Niall took Louis to the doctor after the fifth morning Louis had woken up thinking Harry was alive. Louis was put in the mental hospital under watch. Depending on the person, it could be curable. The doctor said he'd never seen a case like Louis'. At one point, Louis went seven months thinking Harry was alive. And when he didn't think Harry was alive, Louis would still talk to Harry.

 

Louis told the doctors he could hear Harry's voice guiding him. Louis' mental health was fine, he took all the tests and checked out. But he was having these delusions that didn't seem to go away. One day the nurse came to give Louis food and Louis asked where Harry's food was? His delusions had taken a new turn, he was seeing Harry now. And he wouldn't socilize with anyone only Harry.

 

Niall, Liam and Zayn continued to visit Louis, they'd go along with Louis' on his delusions, Niall learned to control his temper. They visited him whenever they could for two years while the dellusions came and went. Then one morning, the nurse entered the room to see a note. After reading it she realized it was a suicide note. Louis had gone up to the roof that morning, and jumped from it. And the last words written on the note were:

 

"I never let Harry go."

 

 


End file.
